Monday, March 23, 2009
hurt
more tomorrow, when I am chipper-er
Thursday, March 19, 2009
A fly on the wall of my brain
My BFF has a running gag about fanny packs with her man. He jokes, she teases, and finally the roomie bought the BF a fanny pack as a joke. He immediatly calls my BFF and tells her.... Turns out, he likes it. Now, he wears it, and she is looking to invest in a helmut. Wont they be SOOO cute. ;)
I bought Anti-Viral Kleenex. It's like blowing your nose with anti-bacterial stuff. and it is TOTALLY AWESOME. The only shitty thing is that they smell funny. Which I guess is how you know they work. But they do have pretty blue dots all over them. and the Pink box really fits in with the decor of my cube. Which is the best one on the floor. I am so awesome.
I love XXX Vitamin water. I think that if I could drink just this every day, I would be the happiest girl alive. Actually, if regular water tasted like this, THEN i would be the happiest girl ever. Because I do drink it every day already. I have a button (which I collect) that says "I'll meet your xxxpectations" and it does. Oh, it does.
The boys I work with went to lunch yesterday, and told me that they would be in thier clubhouse if I needed them. Yup, they have a clubhouse. Girls are not invited. Boys (Insert head shake here) I just think, so this is what I have to look forward too. The 4 year olds I have now, will act the exact same when they are 24.
Speaking of 4 year olds. Yesterday, we hear this wierd noise from thier room. I go upstairs to investigate, and A is opening and closing the window, while standin on the heater. And B is standing on the guard rail on his bed, swinging from the string that makes the blinds go up and down. I say " What are you doing?" They say "Nothing!" I say "LIAR" I can SEE what you are doing! Come take a time out!" B responds with " NO, I dont want to take a time out."
I already know im in trouble. With attitude like that, we are totally gonna fight.
I have more to say, my ride is leaving. Stay tuned.... More tomorrow
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Public Restrooms
As a general rule, I spend 40-50 hours a week here. And I HAVE to use the bathroom. But, because I am certifiably insane, I will only use one stall. I have been known to wait to use this stall. I also only use ONE bathroom. if I am on a different floor, I will return to MY stall. and because I have a fear of peeing in front of people (unless I am drunk, in which case I no longer give a fuck) I will wait until the people are gone until I go. (I also have a tendency to stop mid-stream if I hear someone come in)
Now, not as many people seem to care about this same privacy, there are some people who just do their business, and leave and that is that. I give these people mad props. And the ones who can take a shit, OH.MY.GOD. I am the first person to understand that when it comes it comes. However, I take even MORE precautions while dropping the Huxtables off in the pool, than I do to just urinate. But Whoa.
The other day, I was in the bathroom, doin my thing, tryin not to make any noise, when I hear some very large farts. Now, as I am the only girl of my family of 2 boys, one Manboy, and a boy dog, I am not a virgin to these sounds. But, I can feel the sonic waves coming off them while I'm in the stall 2 down, it is REALLY hard not to laugh, and be disgusted. So I of course start gaggin and laughing. Luckily I have enough manners to keep the sounds of laughter and vomit to myself. But Whoa Man, talk about throwing caution to the wind. I was in my stall, tryin to compose myself and deciding if I needed to prepare myself for someone to jump out, and tell me I was on candid camera or punked or something. Then, I hear the toilet flush, having composed myself, I immediately walk out there, because I want to see the look on their face when I come out of the stall all Ninja like. I would be SO embarrassed, and I blush real easy, at pretty much anything. But No, I get NO REACTION from this person. NONE. They weren't even slightly embarrassed at the fact that they had almost killed me with fart waves. Such a better girl than I.
Apparently payback is a bitch, because I had an emergency today, where i had to go, and couldn't have stopped it if I tried. And I was tryin to take a super quiet shit, and had been really successful and more importantly ALONE, when in walks someone. And then I farted. And It was so loud I think the MEN could hear it in their restroom. Thankfully they didn't laugh, but, it was someone I know. Which is so much worse.
From now on, I will hold it.
On another note: Happy St Patricks Day.
And I get to go have dinner with most of my Fave people. Here I come BOOKSTORE And then it's early to bed. Still no W/D and no heat, but they did come and sand the whole hole and patch half of it. Progress in babysteps I guess. OH and,they are letting us use the w/d in the newly vacated apt next door..... Now if only we could talk them into letting us MOVE there.......
Peace out Y'all
Monday, March 16, 2009
I need a helmet to protect me from myself.....
Wanna know what I did today, I twisted my ankle while sitting down. Not that I was already sitting down, but I was hovering in the air on the way ass to seat, and then.....
PIMP DOWN PIMP DOWN
which of course is followed by a string of not appropriate curse words, VERY LOUD, in my office. Luckily the office is pretty empty by now. (This was at just barely 430, and the people in my group leave by 4)
I read "Bright Lights, Big Ass" this weekend, it was just as good as the other 2 Jen Lancaster memoirs. She is amazingly funny! And it is a joy to be a fly on the wall of her head. And She is coming to my bookstore in a couple months, and this month is Heather Armstrong of Dooce fame. I'm so going. Love that blog, and I m sure her book will be just as good. Oh And I had read Chelsea Handler Thursday night... Did I tell you about that.... "My Horizontal Life" I love a girl who spills her guts about sex. Because really, my life was like that too, and I am sure I have fucked around with just as many men as her, and really, I don't think ALL girls are as much of a slut as I used to be, but seriously, we are NOT as prudish as the word "girl" implies.
I am so going home and mainlining some BH90210, while in bed. That will DEF put me in a better mood.
The quote on my Mommy Calendar today "Sweater,n: Garment worn by Child when it's mother is feeling Chilly" -- Ambrose Bierce
Peace out Bitches, I'm going home
Friday, March 13, 2009
TGIF the 13th
Good things happened at work today. The Complainer. I work with a woman who complains all the time. And the thing is, she is very nice. But, she annoys the SHIT out of me, because she bitches ALL THE TIME. If its not about my (very deep) cough, its her health, our clients, retarded people, the dark, the light, whatever, whenever. It's enough to make the bitch in me come out full force. Now, I will admit freely. I am not a nice girl, I am a Bitch. I know this, everyone who knows me knows this. NOT a secret. But, at work, I do try to keep myself under control because I want to keep my job, and I make people cry. But today, I got FANTASTIC NEWS. She moved desks. So now, we can be nice, and I don't have to listen to her all day. This is like the ultimate dream come true for me. Because really if i had to listen to her try to convince her Dr that she IS actually sick, I may have gone over and licked her phone or something to REALLY give her something to complain about. {Insert Satisfied sigh here}
Today is Friday the 13th. A good day for me, Fridays that happen to land on the 13th, are never bad luck, and always pretty good days. I am ready to go home though. I am starting to get headachey, and that is never good. Hopefully I can find some pain pills this weekend, and then everything will be much better.
The boys are talking about starting some sort of inter-office gambling thing. I wish I understood so I can play too. But I'll learn. Anyways, I think the boys are finally starting to see my complete awesomeness. I'm surprised it took so long, but, I tend to stick to myself here, I don't like strangers.
Know what i hate, when you cough, and farts come out. There is absolutely nothing you can do to prevent it from happening
The Twins get to see 2 sets of grandparents this weekend. They are the most spoiled babies ever. It's a good thing they're cute.
Time to go, I'm hungry.
Oh PS: I read "My Horizontal Life" by Chealsea Handler last night. VERY good, Highly recommended. A nice easy read, that is very humorous. And Very true. I know plenty of girls (myself included) who can relate to this book!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Slumdog Middle Class
Anyways, after 3 months of calling and asking and begging for someone to come fix it.... I asked Jon to call the Slumlord and tell him that we were using our rent to pay for someone to come fix our house. AND we were also going to file a complaint with the Tenants Union. Amazingly, we IMMEDIATELY received a call back, and yesterday, we had someone over to start the repairs.
OK, I need coffee and some of the free food that they are giving away in the lobby of my building. This fat girl NEVER turns down free food. So, I'll be right back, don't go away.....
OK, now.... I got the hole fixed. Which Immediately made my house warmer. AMAZING! And they say they are coming back on Friday, with a NEW WASHER AND DRYER!! and they are also going to find out what is wrong with my heater, and they are going to fix the garbage disposal.
Shit like this makes me SO GLAD that I have a landlord. Even though I have a slumlord, i LOVE my house, and I am super glad that I am there. But seriously, who knew you could be middle class and live in a slum. I always thought you had to be poor. You don't. Just pick a poor place to live. So here is my helpful hint. Talk to the tenants BEFORE you move into a place.
On to my Dog. I have a little scavenger dog. His name is Taco, and he will eat anything he can get his teeth on. Last night, we dumped out his crate, and hidden in his bed he had:
- an empty shampoo packet (like the ones you get in the mail and shit)
- a sock
- numerous shredded used paper towels he kyped from the garbage
- a q-tip
- stuffing from his duck
- an empty fruit snack package
He also LOVES fruit snacks. I don't understand. But, I'll keep you updated on the strange shit my dog eats.
Oh, and I cleaned the BackYarden (twinspeak for Back Yard) and watched 90210. Now, I follow the new one too, but, I recently switched my TV package and now I get the Soap channel. which means I get 2 90210's a day. Thank god for DVR, I may never watch live TV again.
Life is good. More later.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Monday Morning Embarassment
First of all its FUCKING SNOWING. I am over it. Seattle doesn't snow anymore. It did when I was a child, and then it stopped for a long time. And now all the sudden, It snows here again. And the thing is, this stupid city is not built for snow, so everyone gets all retarded and shuts down. uggh. BOO ON SNOW
Second, I completely embarrassed myself, because I sent a link to my blog to like my fave blogger ever. And THEN i realized I talked about her in a previous blog, and NOW I am doing it again.Hopefully she will be too busy to read this, but she responded to my email, so maybe she will, and then I am just embarrassing myself further. But whatever, I cant retract my email. I'll just have to live with my retardedness.
Third, Its snowing, I am wearing heeled sandals
Fourth, one of my twins told me yesterday that he thought my dogs little butt was very cute.
What do you say to that?
Fifth, I am not really wanting to work today, and I know I need to get my head in the game, but all I can think about is how I totally embarrassed myself, and now I am STILL embarrassing myself because I cant stop writing about how embarrassed I am. Jenny, if you read this, I am sorry I cant stop talking about you!
Sixth, My teen aged cousin got her money stolen by some friends. Teenagers are SO STUPID. and I am going to have 2 at some point. If I keep letting them drink coffee, and switch it from decaf to regular...... will that keep them from being teens?
ok ok, really I should work now. Nose to the grindstone, earn my check and all. My Co-workers are going to question my work ethic.
Fucking Pink Dolphins.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Things I learned today:
Things I have learned since 8 AM today:
- Once a Douchebag ALWAYS a douchebag
- Starbucks has MUCH better Sausage Egg McMuffin's than McDonald's does
- My stomach makes embarassingly loud noises while digesting said muffin (sounds like farts, completly not)
- Twitter is addicting, sorta like crack, but more time consuming
- I LOVE having a permanent job, at a company I love working for.
- My new badge doesnt have the stupid green box anymore
- Blogging is going to be a new habit
- The Bloggess is causes serious LOL's making my co-workers think I am batshit crazy (which I am, so I guess that is not a big deal)
- I hate my headaches
- My office is too damn cold!
- You can actually use the word PING incorrectly!! (see following conversation)
FRIEND: no one here uses the word "ping" correctly and it drives me bonkers
ME: like as in Ping me? or the golf brand? am I useing it wrong? what IS the correct way to use the word ping?
FRIEND: you're not. people HERE. it's either the golf brand. or Ping me
ME: so how can you use it incorrectly? I dont get it
FRIEND: "ping you a call back" Ping=email, correct?
ME: or IM
FRIEND: right. but you cannot ping someone a call back
esahul: no you could ping them later INSTEAD of a call back like as in "Bye Friend, Ping ya Later"
FRIEND: right
Now, I will admit to having horrid spelling and grammer. My friend on the other had, is perfect, so, any mistakes you see are mine.
Anyways, Life is good. Today I am happy.