BFF DAY

Today is BFF day. One of my best friends and I work the most opposite schedules ever. I work weekdays, and she works weekend nights. I am takin a few hours off work today, and we are going to go play. I am SO EXCITED. We're gonna be kid free, we are going shopping, getting pedicures (my addiction, her first one, how we are friends clearly makes no sense, but whatever, you cant choose who you love, or something like that) going out to dinner. We also get to go baby shopping, which I am excited for! I love my unborn niece to be, and I cant wait to go spend money on her. (well one of 2, LUCKY ME!!) Lets see, this week has been good, and crazy. I have been talkin to a couple old friends, and that makes me REALLY happy, and work has been packed. We are gonna go take our company to the streets, and go knock on lobby's. Which will be fun, and the next to weeks are going to make my head spin, and I am getting really excited. A step away from my spread sheets. Excel makes me go cross-eyed.

I have told you about the Frat Pack, and this week, I have started a book of all the weird shit they say. I would tell you, but it will make NO SENSE to you. My team is wonderful. I bought them championship wrestling belts for our monthly contest trophies. I have never seen a bunch of 20/30 something men get so excited for something. It was really great.

The new guy is still an ass. There is just something about this guy that rubs me the complete wrong way. I have been working on not being such a bitch (i don't know if its working or not) and it is REALLY hard not to go mid-evil on this guy. He is the guy that knows everything, even though everything he knows is wrong. and every time I see him, I want to punch him in the face. Which is not conducive to a happy healthy work environment. So I keep my mouth shut, and bitch about him in the car on the way home.

I got business cards today. I am SO COOL right now. I have never had business cards before. I can hand out business cards. I think I'll bring them to BFF day, and I will just pass them out to all strangers I see. How cool am I right now? The Coolest Baby, YEaH.

Oh, Life is good.

It's been too long

Hello, Its been too long since I have done this last. I am a really bad blogger. Who knew I would suck at this?! Me I guess. So, at any rate. I've had the craziest couple of weeks. Lets start talkin about that.

Monday (a couple weeks ago): My boss picks me up for work. We are driving her husbands Lexus because her car needed a tire fixed. So, we get almost to work, and there is a loud boom. We pull over on the shoulder, The back tire on the passenger side has blown. Fuck. Now, we're stranded in rush hour traffic. YAY AAA. So, we wait. An hour passes, the truck comes. It is too dangerous for us to get out of the car. So, up we go, onto the flat bed, in the car. Driver says: Just put the car in park, and put the e-brake on, you'll be fine. We disagree, but buckle up and hang on. And ride, on the flat bed, the five miles down the freeway to the dealership. It was terrifying. However, the Lexus dealership was like a gentleman's club. There was free Lattes, muffins, Lexus bottled water, and pastries. Flat screen TVs (Multiple, i counted at least 4), a full service restaurant, a merchandise store, a shoe shine, desks, couches, theatre seats (all fine, expensive furniture) a separate kids room with an XBox360 and toys. All in all not a bad way to spend an hour waiting for a tire to be fixed, and to make sure there was no other damage. In the end, everything was fine, and they washed the car to boot. We got in the car, looked at each other, and went promptly home.

A few days later, I got chased down by a taxi. I was waiting to cross the street, and was wearing a dress. Now, I am not a beautiful woman, but I am not horrid, but I don't usually wear dresses. but I was waiting to cross the street, and heard a horn honk. Working in the city, I didn't think much of it, and crossed the street. Then as I was waiting to cross again, I hear, HEY HEY. And the taxi I had noticed early drove by again, this time, frantically waving and saying Hi. I gave him a look like uh, ooooooook...... and a half wave. I continued walking the block to the mall. THEN, he pulled up next to me and paced me almost the entire block. Begging me to get into his cab, promising a free ride. Now, he totally didn't know the safety word, and he didn't have any candy. So fuck him, I'm not getting in. He finally got that I wasn't getting in the taxi and sped off. I still don't know whether to be flattered, or skeezed out. I choose skeezed. But, as the "personality" friend, I am used to strangers coming up and talking to my and my friends (I hang out with incredibly beautiful women) but when it happens to me, I am always thrown for a loop. And this guy was fuckin weird, and not even hot.

Then came Easter. I got into a huge fight with the evil stepmother, but I wont get into that, because I am still super bitter, and I can not say anything nice about her at all.

The Twins are being superhero's One is Superman, Two is Batman. I am Wonder woman. Dad is Lobo (who apparently is Superman's bad guy). It's almost all we ever play anymore.

I have started a book of the weird/random/funny shit that the Frat Pack say. They are so funny! I don't even know what to say about them, but I'll have more later. The youngest one just got back from Hawaii and we are all a little jealous today. But, its nice to have him back. Too much work has gotten done without him. I am so lucky. I have the best team at the best job ever. But there is this new guy, and he works on a different team, and this morning he was over here training with one of my guys. And he was telling my guy what to do, and it totally was not OK, and it took everything in my power not to go all Momma Bear on the new guy.

Dear New Guy, You got lucky today, but talk to my team mate like that again, and you wont have an ass to sit on. Got it? He is training YOU not the other fucking way around.

I am excited for a competition tomorrow. I'll write more later. I am kid free tonight as the kids are going to the mother in law's. They love going to her house, and I think that if they had a choice, they may actually leave me for her. But, I am going to get rid of some of their toys.

I took some quizzes on Face book, to learn a little more about myself. I am apparently Sarcastic to the Extreme, Jesus thinks that I am a Selfish Bitch (which seemed to be the theme of Easter, so it must be true) And, I am Trailer Trash Barbie.

I am such a treasure. Good thing I am pretty comfortable with myself. But really, I knew I was a bitch. Its not a secret. I don't try to hide it, and I knew that WAAAAAY before you did. I also corrupt people, but I would like to point out, I do cool shit, and if people want to hang out with me, that is their choice. I never make anyone do anything they don't want to do..... unless it benefits me in some way.

You don't like it, you don't have to talk to me :)

Good luck tomorrow Ryan, I'll see you tomorrow..... The Emerald Cup will not know what hit it... You are comin.......

A letter to Ryan.

First of all, I am losing a headache battle, and I haven't blogged in a long time, and I am a bad blogger, and for that I am sorry. But, I've wanted to do this for a long time, and so today, since I am brain dead, but this topic is so easy, I can literally do this, with my eyes closed.

Dearest Ryan,

Thank you. We have been friends for about a year now, and I already can not imagine my life without you in it. You are so beautiful inside and out. I am so blessed to be able to call you my friend. You have single handedly made me a better person. You have broadened my horizons by leaps and bounds. Because of you, I have gotten through some tough times. Because of you, I have laughed so hard my co workers have questioned my sanity. Because of you, I have started blogging. Because of you, I have started reading different books, that I never would have thought I would enjoy. Because of you, I have stepped outside my box, and done things I would have never done, without your encouragement. Because of you, I have been emailed by a famous person, Because of you, I have questioned myself, and though to challenge myself more. Your amazing accomplishments make me so proud I almost feel like they are my accomplishments. You are something to be proud of, and I am proud to be able to say, "Hell YEAH, that girl, she is MY friend!" and people are jealous of me, because we are friends.
You are like an extension of me, and I am so lucky. I wish I could tell everyone how incredible you are. And since I am unable to tell each person of your incredible coolness, I am writing a blog about you.
This past year has been rough for you, and I am so sorry that you have been hurt. But, watching you overcome your challenges, each time getting stronger, and closer to yourself is really inspiring. You are one of the most amazing women I have ever met, and being a part of your story is just a blessing. I wish you would write about you. You are very interesting, and your insight on life would help many other people be better people. You deserve your own motivational poster.
Thank you for pushing me every day to be a better person. You are the perfect friend, and if I could bottle you and sell you, we would be millionaires. Maybe even billionaires.
I can not wait to see you in April, I have been counting down the days for like the last 6 months or something ridiculous like that.
I want you to know that I think you are one of the most incredible people in this whole world.

Thank you for being you

My Cup Runneth Over

With my love,
E

PS, I'm sure this doesn't make much sense, but, I am retarded, and you know that, so I'm not to worried.

hurt

there are some people in my family that cause me unending pain. to day is one of the worse days. I have nothing to say, because my heart hurts.


more tomorrow, when I am chipper-er

A fly on the wall of my brain

Yesterday I burnt my tongue on the soup I was eating for lunch. Not so bad that I couldnt taste, but just enough that it was SUPER annoying. I fucking HATE it when I do that. My dad always used to day "let me tell you an OOOOLD family secret: Blow on your food" I guess, some lessons I will never learn.

My BFF has a running gag about fanny packs with her man. He jokes, she teases, and finally the roomie bought the BF a fanny pack as a joke. He immediatly calls my BFF and tells her.... Turns out, he likes it. Now, he wears it, and she is looking to invest in a helmut. Wont they be SOOO cute. ;)

I bought Anti-Viral Kleenex. It's like blowing your nose with anti-bacterial stuff. and it is TOTALLY AWESOME. The only shitty thing is that they smell funny. Which I guess is how you know they work. But they do have pretty blue dots all over them. and the Pink box really fits in with the decor of my cube. Which is the best one on the floor. I am so awesome.

I love XXX Vitamin water. I think that if I could drink just this every day, I would be the happiest girl alive. Actually, if regular water tasted like this, THEN i would be the happiest girl ever. Because I do drink it every day already. I have a button (which I collect) that says "I'll meet your xxxpectations" and it does. Oh, it does.

The boys I work with went to lunch yesterday, and told me that they would be in thier clubhouse if I needed them. Yup, they have a clubhouse. Girls are not invited. Boys (Insert head shake here) I just think, so this is what I have to look forward too. The 4 year olds I have now, will act the exact same when they are 24.

Speaking of 4 year olds. Yesterday, we hear this wierd noise from thier room. I go upstairs to investigate, and A is opening and closing the window, while standin on the heater. And B is standing on the guard rail on his bed, swinging from the string that makes the blinds go up and down. I say " What are you doing?" They say "Nothing!" I say "LIAR" I can SEE what you are doing! Come take a time out!" B responds with " NO, I dont want to take a time out."
I already know im in trouble. With attitude like that, we are totally gonna fight.

I have more to say, my ride is leaving. Stay tuned.... More tomorrow

Public Restrooms

I hate using public restrooms. I will hold it until I am on the verge of my bladder exploding, before I will use one. If I DO have to use a public restroom, I usually look for the closest Starbucks. *HELPFUL HINT* Even in the nastiest places, Starbucks restrooms are usually clean. Now, there are a couple of exceptions to the public restroom non use rule. I will always use a bathroom in a bar, usually because I am too drunk to give a shit, and don't care where I go, as long as I empty my bladder. And the second, is work.
As a general rule, I spend 40-50 hours a week here. And I HAVE to use the bathroom. But, because I am certifiably insane, I will only use one stall. I have been known to wait to use this stall. I also only use ONE bathroom. if I am on a different floor, I will return to MY stall. and because I have a fear of peeing in front of people (unless I am drunk, in which case I no longer give a fuck) I will wait until the people are gone until I go. (I also have a tendency to stop mid-stream if I hear someone come in)
Now, not as many people seem to care about this same privacy, there are some people who just do their business, and leave and that is that. I give these people mad props. And the ones who can take a shit, OH.MY.GOD. I am the first person to understand that when it comes it comes. However, I take even MORE precautions while dropping the Huxtables off in the pool, than I do to just urinate. But Whoa.
The other day, I was in the bathroom, doin my thing, tryin not to make any noise, when I hear some very large farts. Now, as I am the only girl of my family of 2 boys, one Manboy, and a boy dog, I am not a virgin to these sounds. But, I can feel the sonic waves coming off them while I'm in the stall 2 down, it is REALLY hard not to laugh, and be disgusted. So I of course start gaggin and laughing. Luckily I have enough manners to keep the sounds of laughter and vomit to myself. But Whoa Man, talk about throwing caution to the wind. I was in my stall, tryin to compose myself and deciding if I needed to prepare myself for someone to jump out, and tell me I was on candid camera or punked or something. Then, I hear the toilet flush, having composed myself, I immediately walk out there, because I want to see the look on their face when I come out of the stall all Ninja like. I would be SO embarrassed, and I blush real easy, at pretty much anything. But No, I get NO REACTION from this person. NONE. They weren't even slightly embarrassed at the fact that they had almost killed me with fart waves. Such a better girl than I.
Apparently payback is a bitch, because I had an emergency today, where i had to go, and couldn't have stopped it if I tried. And I was tryin to take a super quiet shit, and had been really successful and more importantly ALONE, when in walks someone. And then I farted. And It was so loud I think the MEN could hear it in their restroom. Thankfully they didn't laugh, but, it was someone I know. Which is so much worse.
From now on, I will hold it.

On another note: Happy St Patricks Day.
And I get to go have dinner with most of my Fave people. Here I come BOOKSTORE And then it's early to bed. Still no W/D and no heat, but they did come and sand the whole hole and patch half of it. Progress in babysteps I guess. OH and,they are letting us use the w/d in the newly vacated apt next door..... Now if only we could talk them into letting us MOVE there.......

Peace out Y'all

I need a helmet to protect me from myself.....

Today I am irrationally angry. For no good reason, I want to punch people in the face.... It is when I get in moods like this when I lose friends because I am such an incredible bitch. I mean, I know I'm a bitch all the time, but sometimes its so much worse.

Wanna know what I did today, I twisted my ankle while sitting down. Not that I was already sitting down, but I was hovering in the air on the way ass to seat, and then.....

PIMP DOWN PIMP DOWN

which of course is followed by a string of not appropriate curse words, VERY LOUD, in my office. Luckily the office is pretty empty by now. (This was at just barely 430, and the people in my group leave by 4)

I read "Bright Lights, Big Ass" this weekend, it was just as good as the other 2 Jen Lancaster memoirs. She is amazingly funny! And it is a joy to be a fly on the wall of her head. And She is coming to my bookstore in a couple months, and this month is Heather Armstrong of Dooce fame. I'm so going. Love that blog, and I m sure her book will be just as good. Oh And I had read Chelsea Handler Thursday night... Did I tell you about that.... "My Horizontal Life" I love a girl who spills her guts about sex. Because really, my life was like that too, and I am sure I have fucked around with just as many men as her, and really, I don't think ALL girls are as much of a slut as I used to be, but seriously, we are NOT as prudish as the word "girl" implies.

I am so going home and mainlining some BH90210, while in bed. That will DEF put me in a better mood.

The quote on my Mommy Calendar today "Sweater,n: Garment worn by Child when it's mother is feeling Chilly" -- Ambrose Bierce

Peace out Bitches, I'm going home