Public Restrooms

I hate using public restrooms. I will hold it until I am on the verge of my bladder exploding, before I will use one. If I DO have to use a public restroom, I usually look for the closest Starbucks. *HELPFUL HINT* Even in the nastiest places, Starbucks restrooms are usually clean. Now, there are a couple of exceptions to the public restroom non use rule. I will always use a bathroom in a bar, usually because I am too drunk to give a shit, and don't care where I go, as long as I empty my bladder. And the second, is work.
As a general rule, I spend 40-50 hours a week here. And I HAVE to use the bathroom. But, because I am certifiably insane, I will only use one stall. I have been known to wait to use this stall. I also only use ONE bathroom. if I am on a different floor, I will return to MY stall. and because I have a fear of peeing in front of people (unless I am drunk, in which case I no longer give a fuck) I will wait until the people are gone until I go. (I also have a tendency to stop mid-stream if I hear someone come in)
Now, not as many people seem to care about this same privacy, there are some people who just do their business, and leave and that is that. I give these people mad props. And the ones who can take a shit, OH.MY.GOD. I am the first person to understand that when it comes it comes. However, I take even MORE precautions while dropping the Huxtables off in the pool, than I do to just urinate. But Whoa.
The other day, I was in the bathroom, doin my thing, tryin not to make any noise, when I hear some very large farts. Now, as I am the only girl of my family of 2 boys, one Manboy, and a boy dog, I am not a virgin to these sounds. But, I can feel the sonic waves coming off them while I'm in the stall 2 down, it is REALLY hard not to laugh, and be disgusted. So I of course start gaggin and laughing. Luckily I have enough manners to keep the sounds of laughter and vomit to myself. But Whoa Man, talk about throwing caution to the wind. I was in my stall, tryin to compose myself and deciding if I needed to prepare myself for someone to jump out, and tell me I was on candid camera or punked or something. Then, I hear the toilet flush, having composed myself, I immediately walk out there, because I want to see the look on their face when I come out of the stall all Ninja like. I would be SO embarrassed, and I blush real easy, at pretty much anything. But No, I get NO REACTION from this person. NONE. They weren't even slightly embarrassed at the fact that they had almost killed me with fart waves. Such a better girl than I.
Apparently payback is a bitch, because I had an emergency today, where i had to go, and couldn't have stopped it if I tried. And I was tryin to take a super quiet shit, and had been really successful and more importantly ALONE, when in walks someone. And then I farted. And It was so loud I think the MEN could hear it in their restroom. Thankfully they didn't laugh, but, it was someone I know. Which is so much worse.
From now on, I will hold it.

On another note: Happy St Patricks Day.
And I get to go have dinner with most of my Fave people. Here I come BOOKSTORE And then it's early to bed. Still no W/D and no heat, but they did come and sand the whole hole and patch half of it. Progress in babysteps I guess. OH and,they are letting us use the w/d in the newly vacated apt next door..... Now if only we could talk them into letting us MOVE there.......

Peace out Y'all